結婚の意味

結婚の意味を教えてください。

新しい家を買うために、結婚するのは意味がないよね。

彼は本当にプロポーズしたくなかったかも。私が言った。

”どうしてプロポーズもしないのに、先に家を買うの？”

だから、プロポーズしてくれたんだ。

テレビでプロポーズの番組が出ていて、あの女たちは幸せですね。男はいろいろな準備をして、ロマンティックのプロポーズをあげた。

私、たぶん一番失敗な女です。

最近けんかしちゃった。毎日、同僚の前でも、家族の前でも笑っていたけど、寝るときは千尋鬼塚の歌を聞いて寝るまで泣いていた。彼に嫌われてしまったので、彼に電話しても切られた。

”あなたと話したくない。”　携帯のメッセージ。

こんな二人はもうすぐ結婚する？信じられない。

結婚しても、長く続けますか？

私、何してる？

幸せになりたい。

失敗

”ねぇ、あなたが来る前に、このチームに新しい人が入ることは全然知らなかったんだ。席もないし、パソコンもないし、うちのチームのスペースも狭いので、どうすればいい？このチームに入りたいの？”

適当な答えは何だろう？”私はどうしてこの会社に入ったの？”

私のセイじゃない。

life

it has been very tough for me. i have to admit i am not a very sensitive person. Now that i have landed myself in this kind of situation, i dun foresee how i can carry on my life or even pass every single day without having to worry about my own safety. i just want to live a normal life, better still hide in a corner and do my work without having to interact with others. are they genuinely nice? are they pretending? are they gossiping or complaining me as a newbie who knows nothing and gets into their way? i dunno... sometimes i wonder if i would get to hear their true feelings like in dramas where people would accidentally overheard other people saying bad things about themselves especially in toilets. nah, of cuz that did not happen to me. these people are probably too clever to do this kind of stupid actions. am i thinking too much? i am not very happy. in fact,this is making me feeling very terrible everyday. i drag myself to wake up every morning. if not for the pressing issues i have right now, i would not force me, myself and i to carry on doing this. i am feeling slightly depressed initially. now i think i am getting more and more depressed to the extent i started to think of the simplest solution. it's quicksand. it's dragging my limbs and i have no wish to struggle. times like this, i start to hate the world. start to hate every single thing about life. like a rebellious teenager. nothing, not even my favourite songs are going to make me feel better. listening to chihiro onitsuka's songs make me feel worse cuz i can feel the helplessness in the depressing songs. i am worried. i think one day i will be swallowed by my own worries. is it the end of the world when people are swallowed by their own worries? i guess no one can really understand what i am saying.

6 Nov 07 - Kagoshima

Train ticket to Kagoshima

The next morning, I woke up super early to check out and went to Hakata Station to get my train ticket... I was super excited because I knew that suyu was also on her way to meet me at Kagoshima. So long never see her already... Yes, I tried very hard not to get lost! A blur me was walking around the train station because there are two areas which sell Shinkansen tickets but I don't seem to find my destination "Kagoshima".... How? Open your mouth and ask~! hahaha So I was supposed to buy my ticket at first level not second level... Successfully found the place and went to buy my ticket... I tried asking in English because I felt very unsure how to go about asking in Japanese but the man don't seem to understand my question... :s Forced to use my broken Japanese again... Reserved seats were taken already so I only had the choice to buy non-reserved seat... (tip: if you are going to buy long distance train ticket, buy in advance i.e. 1 day before the trip... you would not like the idea of standing for so long!) But I was at least 30 minutes early... I went in and to my horror, one long flight of staircase! Dragged my super duper heavy luggage bit by bit... So paiseh... There was a group of teenagers who seemed to be on an outing... One by one, they walked past me and I was still dragging the luggage... The best thing I love about the train stations is vending machines and food stores... =) Grabbed something to eat and bought my favourite juice...

Despite being in the non-reserved seats cabin, I managed to find a seat... the train had a lugguage compartment right in front so I deposited my luggage there and sat down comfortably... announcements were made in Japanese, English, Chinese, Korean... Don't have to worry about not understanding the announcements... heehee Enjoying the scenery outside when my ears suddenly picked up the announcement - "Train carriages from 1 to 5 are going to Kumamoto while carriages from 6 to ...." Huh?!?!?! You mean the train is going to split?? A very nervous me was looking around frantically for the carriage number... I dun want to be going somewhere I dunno... :s Luckily i was in the correct carriage...

Note: www.hyperdia.com is one of the most useful websites for travellers to plan their japan trip... as everyone knows, trains in japan run on fixed schedules... so better check everything before you go! According to my schedule, I have to change train at Shinyatsushiro to take a shinkansen to Kagoshima... When the train reached the station, all the people were rushing out to the train at the next platform... I also forgot to check and blindly dragged my luggage to alight... The train started soon after I found a seat... *OMG!* Where is the train going to? I asked the person sitting next to me and heng, the train was going to Kagoshima... -_-"

When i arrived at the station, *lost* again... but never mind! The golden rule is - Follow the crowd! hahaha I was so happy when I saw Suyu outside waiting for me... Yeah! We never meet up for so long already... At least one year plus... Went to deposit my luggage in the lockers conveniently outside the station (Why we can't have this in Singapore?) and off we go to the most famous sightseeing place in Kagoshima --> Sakurajima!

Busy life....

How do i put watermark on photos? Haiz, i am so busy and he is too busy to teach me as well so i haven got the time to go and watermark my photos before putting them in my blog... cant wait to share my japan trip photos but i guess it has to be temporarily postponed till i learn to watermark and have the time to sit in front of my computer to do it... :s

Some updates about my life... my mum was hospitalised a fortnight ago... she was having a fever and her body was swollen all over... just gotten back from a post check up only to find that she is suffering from SLE (lupus)/Sjogren syndrome... Read the articles online and apparently it is quite serious... she was quite worried about it as one of our distant relatives actually passed away last year due to lupus... she kept talking abt her godsister who suddenly discovered her lung cancer last year... my god aunt was in last stage of cancer when she was diagnosed with cancer and left us soon after that... but i believed that my mum will get well... my sis said we discovered it quite early... with medications, the symptoms can be kept under control... everything will be okay... this dec, she will be going for a holiday in China... doc says she can be well again within 6 t0 12 mths...

About myself... i have officially ended my jobless life... started working somewhere near my place... yes, my workplace is 3 bus stops away from my house... too far to walk there but very fast by bus... hahaha all my colleagues are living far from tampines... :p still sitting around and staring into space sometimes... even about to fall asleep at times... which i feel extremely guilty... but what to do? got nothing to do mar... heehee :p cuz i am still waiting and waiting for instructions to be given from above... tentatively i will try to find things to do... :s anything so that i can help my colleagues and also to kill TIME... i even get to off work very early these few days... enjoy the luxury now because i tink my life is going to be terrible next time... judging from the hours my colleagues are working... hope to stay with this grp of ppl i am attached to now... because they are very very nice ppl... =) one even commented that i am a quiet girl... yes, i am very quiet because i am not used to the environment yet... ahahaha

that's all for today... will be going for tuition soon... shld i continue teaching? i am worried that next time i might have to commit till late hours which means tuition is almost impossible... :s will ask for yj's opinions... i like my tuition kid and enjoy teaching him... but i wonder how i can juggle between work, tuition, jap class, renovation, wedding plans next yr? can i freeze the free time i have now and credit it to next yr? how i wish~